Friday, March 24, 2017

Methuselah's Long Lost Diary

Methuselah, the world's oldest person, reportedly died in 2106 BC, at the age of 969.

In Israel last year, Methuselah's long lost diary was discovered and scholars from all over the world are reading its tablets to learn more about this remarkable man.

What follows are excerpts from his diary:

"Being old has its advantages and disadvantages."

"For example, since I retired at age 65, Israel has paid my retirement of 5,000 shekels a month for the past several hundred years. It's a sweet deal."

"But because I long ago outlived my wife, I began dating and I'll tell you, it ain't easy getting 25-year-old women to go out with a guy even just 100-years-old."

"Then there's the issue of height. Everyone knows that people keep shrinking as they grow old."

"In my youth, I was 5-feet-tall, a typical height for the time. But as I approached a thousand-years-old, I had shrunk to 2-feet-tall. I have to wear toddler's clothes."

"And how about those wrinkles? By 150, I looked like an old prune left in the sun too long. And as more years past, it grew worse, until I eventually looked like a shrunken head."

"Yet despite all this, people always ask me the secret to a long life."

"It is this: Eat only foods you can't stand and exercise until you drop. You may not live as long as me but it will feel like you have."

With Love To All ~ Dick

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