Thursday, February 20, 2020

The Birds & The Bees

Yesterday there was a tapping at my back door. As I opened the door, I saw 25 small sparrows standing on my lawn. No sparrow stood taller than 4 inches.

“I'm Lizzie,“ said a sparrow. “We want to know why you are feeding us breakfast pastry crumbs? Don’t you know you’re making us fat and sick?“

“Why did you stop feeding us healthy bread crumbs,“ she asked. “I’m sorry,“ I replied. "Recently I haven't eaten as wisely as I usually do."

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Thursday, December 26, 2019

Flying Sea Dog

“You’re the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen,” said a wincing man, barely able to look at the little dog.

Hearing those words, and not for the first time, this poor little dog burst into tears.

For other dogs as well as people claimed he was ugly because he had very long and floppy ears that dragged on the ground wherever he went.

To his embarrassment, sometimes he stumbled over them, as the others laughed. None of them would even help him up.

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Friday, December 13, 2019

Santa’s Deadbeat Twin Brother

Everyone knows about Santa Claus’ profound kindness, but few people are aware of his twin brother Jimmy Claus, a man as bad as Santa is good.

“I’m desperate Santa,” Jimmy told his brother. “Loan me money!”

“But Jimmy,” Santa replied. “Loaning you money would only put you deeper in debt. You have to take responsibility for your actions.”

“Because of your irresponsibility I have you on my ‘Naughty List’ every year.”

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Monday, December 2, 2019

Money For Santa Claus

"We have more children than ever to build toys for," said Santa to his elves. "And we don't have enough money. I'll need to borrow some."

So Santa went to a bank and requested a loan. "What is your income," asked the banker. "I have no income," replied Santa. "I give away all the toys we make."

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Tuesday, November 26, 2019

The Miser and The Spender

"I am the richest person in the world," proclaimed the miser, all the while living as if he was broke.

"No you're not," replied the spender. "For the money brings you no fun. And when your life is over, you can't take the money with you. It is only good here and now."

Meanwhile, the spender spent all his money having fun but had no savings, only worries about what would happen to him in bad times.

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Tuesday, November 19, 2019

The Donkey and The Jackass

The little brown donkey toiled all day in the hot sun as a beast of burden to his owner. But instead of praising the donkey, the owner beat him, starved him and demanded more work.

One day a neighbor saw this sorry scene and said to the owner, "I will pay you what this donkey is worth and 20% more if you will sell him to me."

"Pay me 40% more and he's yours," the owner replied. "But in no time, you will be sorry because this donkey has to be forced to do any work at all."

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Friday, November 15, 2019

Impeaching Santa Claus

Although Santa Claus is a global phenomenon, the US, split along political party lines prepared to impeach him.

“On what grounds,” asked one political party.

“For a quid pro quo,” replied the other political party. “He offered children presents but only on the condition that they be good. And it was all to keep him as Santa.”

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