To find out, I called The North Pole hotline, and got Elf Elmo who put Santa on the line.
"Is this Trump," he hollered. "No sir," I said, but he didn't hear me and began to rant.
"What do you have to say for yourself," Santa shouted. "I'm not Donald Trump," I stated. "Oh," replied Santa. "Then who are you?" "I'm Dick Kazan."
"Let me see," he answered, and I could hear clicking on his keyboard. "You're getting a tie this year," he said. "But I seldom wear ties," I responded. "Don't be an ingrate," snapped Santa.
"Santa," I said, "You are renowned for being jolly. Why are you so angry?"
"I've been this way since last Christmas," he replied. "When I went to The White House to deliver gifts, I was accosted as soon as I got near the grounds."
"First it was a group of unidentified soldiers who roughed me up, and when I tried to resist, they sprayed me with tear gas. Finally I convinced them I'm Santa, the person they knew and loved as children."
"Then a swarm of bill collectors converged on me to see if I had money for the President. They climbed all over my sleigh, shoving me out of the way."
"Finally, two women demanded hush money to hide relationships he allegedly had with them. But I had no money for them, and Mrs. Claus got mad at me for talking with these women."
"It was humiliating!"
"What are you going to do," I asked Santa. "I'll tell you what I'm not going to do," he replied. "I'm not going to The White House!"
"But," he added, "Please tell everyone Santa and his sleigh will be there bringing gifts and good cheer this year regardless of the pandemic."
With Love To All - Dick
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