Monday, August 1, 2022

Becoming Yoda

Dear Reader, 

A lawsuit was filed against candy company Mars, claiming its Skittles are “unfit for human consumption.” The suit focuses on titanium dioxide, which it calls a “toxin,” causing cancer and altering DNA.

Because I eat Skittles morning, noon and night, I got upset as I noticed the DNA changes in my body. I am now 2-feet tall, green and look and talk like Yoda as these words slipped out, “People to sue us we want not.” In a panic, I contacted my dear friend Yanin Ontiveros to find out what to do.

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Thursday, July 21, 2022

A Happy Marriage

A 75-year-old couple, Howard and Emily, with glee, were about to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

As their family and friends gathered for this special occasion, Howard suddenly said, "There can be no-more evasion."

"There is something I must say and say it today. For years I've been secretly seeing someone else, and now she is free and wants to be with me." 

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Tuesday, July 12, 2022

Running Backward

The Potomac Valley Track Club in Virginia just held the US’s first backward track race. There were 14 competitors in 4 events and the Club plans to make this an annual event. 

After reading this, I was so inspired, that this morning I began running backward. So far I’ve run all the way back to 1986.

By the time I’m done running, I expect to shake hands with Abraham Lincoln.

With Love To All - Dick

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Friday, July 1, 2022

The Great Grocery Store Incident

I went shopping today and while in the store, I visited the cereal aisle. There were what I call Coco Fruity Puffs, cereals loaded with sugar, preservatives, artificial coloring, etc.

My stomach took one look and thrust me against the grocery cart. It said, “If you eat one bite, I will use your hands to strangle you."

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Saturday, June 25, 2022

Jesus' Kid Brother Shmekel

Occasionally, I've had the great pleasure of being with Jesus. It happened again recently at a homeless shelter shortly after he finished serving breakfast to those in need.

I asked Jesus if we could talk. "Of course my son," he replied. "Can we walk and talk?" "Happily Jesus," I answered.

As we walked out the door, he greeted some homeless people on the sidewalk, and one of them had a puppy. 

"May I hold your puppy for a moment," he asked. "Of course," the man replied. And Jesus snuggled the little dog and gave it back to him.

"I love dogs," Jesus told the man.

And then Jesus turned to me.  "How can I help you my son," he asked with a gentle smile.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2022

The Mysteries Of Methuselah

One of the most remarkable biblical figures is Methuselah. Born in 3007 BC, he lived to be 969 the longest life span in human history. 

In addition, he became a first-time father at the age of 187, with the birth of his son Lamech by his wife Naamah. He later had more children and wives. 

In our search for enlightenment, we must ask questions about this incredible man:

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Monday, April 18, 2022

Paying For Noah's Ark

Noah is a biblical figure who God commands to build an Ark so The Almighty can then flood the world to rid it of evil. According to Genesis (6:14 -16): The Ark is to be 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high. 

Here is the conversation between God and Noah as I envision it.

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