Tuesday, May 10, 2022

The Mysteries Of Methuselah

One of the most remarkable biblical figures is Methuselah. Born in 3007 BC, he lived to be 969 the longest life span in human history. 

In addition, he became a first-time father at the age of 187, with the birth of his son Lamech by his wife Naamah. He later had more children and wives. 

In our search for enlightenment, we must ask questions about this incredible man:

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Monday, April 18, 2022

Paying For Noah's Ark

Noah is a biblical figure who God commands to build an Ark so The Almighty can then flood the world to rid it of evil. According to Genesis (6:14 -16): The Ark is to be 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high. 

Here is the conversation between God and Noah as I envision it.

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Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Talking Mushrooms

Recently, a British scientist announced mushrooms can "talk" to each other, with a vocabulary of about 50 words. 

I read this news in a real newspaper! (See: https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/apr/06/fungi-electrical-impulses-human-language-study)

This is stunning but true because I then spoke with the mushrooms in my yard. I thought we'd be friends, but their leader Herbie shouted, “We want a dental plan!”

“Why,” I replied. “You don’t have teeth! “What are you”, yelled mushroom Maria, “A cheapskate?” Then they all started to grumble until I agreed to buy a dental plan for them.

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Monday, April 4, 2022

Holy Pozole!

As an entrepreneur, I'm always looking for new opportunities and when I read about competitive eater Leah Shutkever, I thought I found one.

Leah is a trim 32-year-old who set a new world record when in 60 seconds she ate nearly 1 pound of McNuggets (19 McNuggets). From this and more Guinness eating records she holds, she has over 174,000 Instagram followers.

I was up for the challenge, when I was told McNuggets aren't vegetarian. I'm a vegetarian, and very disappointed. 

So I ask: Will McDonald’s ever create veggie McNuggets? And if so, would they be edible? And if not, would they still be good on pizzas? 

I'm still awaiting answers.

With Love To All - Dick

Note - Pozole is a popular Mexican dish.

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My Great New Product

Americans are obsessed with weapons, but often ignore the consequences. It's legal to build an arsenal powerful enough to destroy anything in its path. 

Being an entrepreneur, I'm always seeking economic opportunity, and when it comes to weapons, it is hard to go wrong, especially if one turns a blind eye to the destruction they can cause.

Now I've created a great new product, "Pocket Drones," modeled on U.S. military drones but far smaller.

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The First Dog Governor of California

Covid lockdowns, Zoom classes, extreme and contradictory restrictions and mandatory vaccinations set off a firestorm and Californians demanded change.

But the politicians didn't listen and some ignored their own rules, so the people elected Lenny, a tiny Chihuahua as governor of California.

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Wednesday, February 2, 2022

The Happiest Place On Earth

Yesterday my gardener and I discovered a whole gopher community has formed in my backyard. Little piles of soil are everywhere!

An hour later the situation grew worse when the gophers formed a homeowners association and are now demanding a swimming pool, free beer and TV sets.

And if that wasn't enough, one of the gophers mooned me.

I’m at my wits end! I never kill gophers so I’m asking my gardener to return next week with gopher repellent. 

But there is an alternative! I could leave them at Disneyland, officially called "The Happiest Place On Earth," where greater happiness would await them, and like so many Disney characters before them, they may become a major attraction.

And if they do, they will learn never to moon people.

With Love To All - Dick

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