A library book originally checked out in February 1927, “A History of the United States,” by Benson Lossing was recently returned to a Napa County, CA library.
Saturday, November 18, 2023
Friday, November 17, 2023
Surfing The Waves of Santa Monica
Sunday, October 8, 2023
Goodbye To Binkey
Recently, master repairman Joaquin Miranda, fixed the front lights to our home. But Joaquin had to return a day later, because the lights still did not work.
They didn’t work because Binkey the mouse had eaten the wires, and unable to digest them, he died. Why had he eaten them? He was determined to set a new Guinness Book Of World Records record for wires eaten at one time by one mouse, it was a bold effort!
Friday, August 11, 2023
My Career As A Thief
At 4:50 PM yesterday, a “Flash Mob” of more than 30
people, robbed an Yves Saint Laurent store in the Glendale Mall of about
$300,000 in merchandise.
I hate “Flash Mob” robbery, but I was emboldened by this crime, and today tried to rob Costco of two pair of socks. A Girl Scout tackled me, and a store clerk sat on me until the police arrived.
Tuesday, August 1, 2023
Roman Emperor Nero's Famed Theater
Wednesday, July 26, 2023
The Tour de Turtles
Modeled on the Tour de France, the Sea Turtle Conservancy
on August 1st, will launch the Tour de Turtles.
The “race” will include putting trackers on turtle “contestants,” and measuring when and where the turtles go.
But much like the Tour de France, rumors are already swirling about the illegal use of steroids.
Novak Djokovic Shocking Sports News
A Greater Vision
My Exciting New Hollywood Career
Beenie Von Weenie
Saturday, July 15, 2023
Dial A Cop
There is a new service that allows scared passengers to call
a pilot before flying, to ask questions and get reassurance. It’s called Dial A Pilot, and the cost is only $50 for a 15
minute call.
As an entrepreneur, I see another great potential service. Dial A Cop. For just $500 on a stolen credit card you can speak with a retired FBI agent.
Tuesday, July 11, 2023
Dental Breakthrough, Regrowing Teeth
Monday, July 10, 2023
A Great New Product, Colachup!
Pepsi just introduced a great new food product, Colachup! It combines cola with ketchup, something the world has always wanted.
As a man into health food, I am thrilled! For this is the first time I can eat a food that will not only immediately clear itself out of my system, but clear out everything else I’ve recently eaten.
Thursday, July 6, 2023
Nathan‘s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest
Tuesday, July 4, 2023
A Medical Miracle
Friday, June 30, 2023
Pitching A Perfect Game
Inspired by Domingo German pitching a perfect game for
the New York Yankees over the Oakland A’s (he got all 27 batters out) two nights ago, last
night I pitched against a team of peewee leaguers. (ages 6 and 7)
Unfortunately, they hit all my pitches until my manager, my 10 year old grandson Ikaika took me out of the game. We were losing 27 to 0.
Thursday, June 29, 2023
Ancient Pizza
Wednesday, June 28, 2023
1100 Dolly Parton Impersonators
Monday, June 26, 2023
Rescuing A Tiny Turtle
Thursday, June 22, 2023
Exciting Offer From Ireland
In their new “Our Living Islands” program, the Irish government announced a grant program of up to $92,000 for those willing to move to various offshore Irish islands, as they try to attract new residents.
Touched by their exciting offer, this morning I wrote the following letter to the Irish Government:
Tuesday, June 20, 2023
Europe's First Floating Neighborhood
Saturday, May 27, 2023
The Future Of NASA Space Travel
In the news, Kelly Drew, professor of chemistry and biochemistry at the University of Alaska, after decades of studying how Arctic squirrels hibernate, is researching ways humans can “hibernate” during long space missions. Excited by her work, I called NASA Administrator Bill Nelson, but with an even better proposition:
Wednesday, May 24, 2023
Breaking Octopus News
Monday, May 15, 2023
Saving A Special Palm Tree
Wednesday, May 10, 2023
Rescuing The Koalas
Wednesday, April 26, 2023
The Perfect Woman
Guys, have you been searching for that perfect woman? A woman who will:
1) Listen to everything you have to say, and not discuss her "feelings," or anything else that bores you.
2) Have sex with you as often as you like, and not seek a "commitment."
3) Have no baggage from prior relationships or have other personal problems.
If so, I have The Perfect Woman for you:
Tuesday, April 25, 2023
Why Men Have Gray Hair
Friday, April 21, 2023
A Major Scientific Breakthrough
News Headline: "Researchers Capture Sharpest-Ever Images of a Mouse Brain," Duke University scientists announced.
When asked the relevancy of this scientific breakthrough, Duke scientists had no answer, except to say, "Doing this seemed like a great idea during a Saturday night tequila drinking contest."
Wednesday, April 19, 2023
Every Bride's Dream Just Came True
The Great Dime Robbery
In the news, approximately 2 million dimes, or about $200,000, was taken from a tractor trailer in a parking lot of the Philadelphia Mills shopping mall complex in north-east Philadelphia on Thursday morning.
Seeing a great story, I approached one of the robbers:
Monday, April 17, 2023
A Remarkable New Egyptian Tomb Discovery
Friday, April 14, 2023
An Amazing Scientific Wonder
Thursday, April 13, 2023
Why do people get cancer far more often than other animals
Monday, April 10, 2023
The First Cell Phone Call
Friday, March 10, 2023
U.S. Navy Dolphins
Sunday, March 5, 2023
Maybe The Greatest Investment Ever!
Red Bull is hugely successful, last year selling more than 11 billion cans of energy drinks worldwide!
Wednesday, March 1, 2023
Mexican President Discovers An Elf
Thursday, February 23, 2023
The New Super Oreo
Sunday, February 19, 2023
Buying Girl Scout Cookies, 2-18-23
Saturday, February 11, 2023
A Squad Of Drug-Sniffing Squirrels
Friday, February 10, 2023
"Big Ass Mexican Pizza"
In honor of the Super Bowl, Taco Bell is introducing a “Big Ass Mexican Pizza,” four times the size of its regular Mexican Pizza.
To prepare for the challenge of trying to eat one of these things, my stomach and I had a talk. “Are you nuts,” screamed my stomach, “It’s so high in calories, fats and cholesterol, it could kill us!”
Thursday, February 9, 2023
Interviewing The Chinese Weather Balloon
Today on Zoom, I briefly interviewed the Chinese Weather Balloon:
Why were you flying over Montana? “I was on vacation.”
How do you feel about being called the size of three buses? “It was insulting! I already have a bad self body image and now I will never have the confidence to attract lady balloons.”
How do you feel about being called a spy? “It’s ridiculous! When I fly, everyone can see me. James Bond, I’m not.“
What are your future plans? “I’m going to vacation by flying over the Congress and the White House. Those are great places for me to fill up with hot air.“
With Love To All - Dick
Saturday, February 4, 2023
Forgiving The Witches
“After nearly 400 years, Connecticut is considering posthumously exonerating the people, mostly women, accused of witchcraft in the 17th and 18th centuries.”
Alse Young was the first women, hanged May 26, 1647. Wanting to know her reaction to possibly being exonerated in 2023, I went to a spiritual medium, who then brought Alse into the room.
Thursday, February 2, 2023
The Oldest Mummy
Friday, January 27, 2023
Talking To Your Houseplants
Friday, January 20, 2023
The Greatest Neighborhood Watch
To keep us safe from crime, my neighbors and I formed a neighborhood watch. And we warn intruders that there is an imminent armed response.
That warning is real. With weapons so plentiful in the U.S. I made a great buy on a Howitzer, which now sets on my front lawn.
It stands 9-feet tall, and 9-feet wide, weighs 16,000 pounds and will intimidate any intruders. Unfortunately, it does have two major problems:
Thursday, January 19, 2023
Rescuing Marty The Lab Mouse
A new U.S. law has ended the requirement that all drugs be tested on lab mice or other animals prior to human trials. This is a great news for animal rights activists.
But a protest began from an unlikely source. Marty Mouse cried out, “How am I supposed to support a wife and 47 children without my lab income?”
Fortunately, Peloton had the answer.