In the news, Kelly Drew, professor of chemistry and biochemistry at the University of Alaska, after decades of studying how Arctic squirrels hibernate, is researching ways humans can “hibernate” during long space missions. Excited by her work, I called NASA Administrator Bill Nelson, but with an even better proposition:
Proclaimed as a scientific breakthrough, scientists announced they filmed Costello, an octopus, having a nightmare, a first for an octopus. I asked University of Vermont scientist Dr. Eric Angel Ramos, why this is important:
500 miles east of Madagascar in the Indian Ocean is Mauritius and 15 miles further north is Round Island. There, the last hurricane palm sways in the breeze. Scientists are trying desperately to save this species. To learn more, I spoke with Dr. Yama Bahama.
In shocking news, it is estimated that 80% of the koalas in New South Wales, Australia have the sexually transmitted disease chlamydia. To find out how scientists will combat this disease, I spoke to Australian Professor Norman Nerdly:
Guys, have you been searching for that perfect woman? A woman who will:
1) Listen to everything you have to say, and not discuss her "feelings," or anything else that bores you.
2) Have sex with you as often as you like, and not seek a "commitment."
3) Have no baggage from prior relationships or have other personal problems.
If so, I have The Perfect Woman for you:
The New York Times recently published an exciting new scientific study researching why hair on humans and mice turn gray. Impressed by all the time and money spent on this research, I decided to test it for myself.
News Headline: "Researchers Capture Sharpest-Ever Images of a Mouse Brain," Duke University scientists announced.
When asked the relevancy of this scientific breakthrough, Duke scientists had no answer, except to say, "Doing this seemed like a great idea during a Saturday night tequila drinking contest."
Last weekend, The Oscar Meyer Weinermobile came to Las Vegas and in conjunction with the iconic Little White Chapel, where Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were married, held weddings.
In the news, approximately 2 million dimes, or about $200,000, was taken from a tractor trailer in a parking lot of the Philadelphia Mills shopping mall complex in north-east Philadelphia on Thursday morning.
Seeing a great story, I approached one of the robbers:
Archeologists recently discovered a 3,200 year-old-tomb belonging to Panehsy, the temple guard of Egyptian deity Amun.
While exploring the tomb yesterday, the archeologists discovered a newspaper interview of Mrs. Panehsy:
At the Berlin Zoo, an elephant, Pang Pha amazed scientists, when despite having no thumbs, she peeled a banana.
Scientists at Britain's famed Welcome Sanger Institute are trying to learn why humans get cancer far more often than other mammals, such as whales and elephants.
On April 3, 1973 Motorola engineer, and inventor Martin Cooper using a brick sized device, made history when he placed the world’s first cell phone call.
It was to Domino’s, and unfortunately, he is still waiting for his pizza to be delivered.
With Love To All - Dick
Since the 1950s The US Navy has used dolphins to locate explosives and recover submerged objects. But increasingly, underwater drones are replacing dolphins, many of whom are now in old age.
To understand the impact on these old dolphins, I interviewed the eldest of them, Saul.
Red Bull is hugely successful, last year selling more than 11 billion cans of energy drinks worldwide!
President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador discovered a forest spirit similar to an elf, and he has a photo to prove it. Recognizing the interview of a lifetime, I spoke with this elf, named Alf:
DK: No-one has ever seen you before. Why have you now gone public?
At Starbucks today, six of the cutest little Girl Scouts and their lovely mothers were selling cookies.
Under the California Adorable Law, it was mandatory for me to buy their cookies.
According to The Washington Post, a Chinese police unit said it "successfully trained" six Eurasian red squirrels to sniff out drugs, as this elite little squad can get into tight places dogs cannot reach.
Impressed, I interviewed Sammy, the squirrel squad leader to learn more:
In honor of the Super Bowl, Taco Bell is introducing a “Big Ass Mexican Pizza,” four times the size of its regular Mexican Pizza.
To prepare for the challenge of trying to eat one of these things, my stomach and I had a talk. “Are you nuts,” screamed my stomach, “It’s so high in calories, fats and cholesterol, it could kill us!”
Today on Zoom, I briefly interviewed the Chinese Weather Balloon:
Why were you flying over Montana? “I was on vacation.”
How do you feel about being called the size of three buses? “It was insulting! I already have a bad self body image and now I will never have the confidence to attract lady balloons.”
How do you feel about being called a spy? “It’s ridiculous! When I fly, everyone can see me. James Bond, I’m not.“
What are your future plans? “I’m going to vacation by flying over the Congress and the White House. Those are great places for me to fill up with hot air.“
With Love To All - Dick
“After nearly 400 years, Connecticut is considering posthumously exonerating the people, mostly women, accused of witchcraft in the 17th and 18th centuries.”
Alse Young was the first women, hanged May 26, 1647. Wanting to know her reaction to possibly being exonerated in 2023, I went to a spiritual medium, who then brought Alse into the room.
It was reported last week Egyptian archaeologists discovered a 4300 year old mummy, the oldest mummy yet found. His name was Hekashepes and he was entombed in a limestone sarcophagus (fancy coffin).
The Washington Post recently ran a story, “The case for talking to your houseplants.” Inspired, I called a meeting of my roses:
To keep us safe from crime, my neighbors and I formed a neighborhood watch. And we warn intruders that there is an imminent armed response.
That warning is real. With weapons so plentiful in the U.S. I made a great buy on a Howitzer, which now sets on my front lawn.
It stands 9-feet tall, and 9-feet wide, weighs 16,000 pounds and will intimidate any intruders. Unfortunately, it does have two major problems:
A new U.S. law has ended the requirement that all drugs be tested on lab mice or other animals prior to human trials. This is a great news for animal rights activists.
But a protest began from an unlikely source. Marty Mouse cried out, “How am I supposed to support a wife and 47 children without my lab income?”
Fortunately, Peloton had the answer.
Archaeologists in Israel made an amazing discovery: 780,000 year old fish dinner waste! This means early humans cooked dinners nearly a million years ago!
They don’t know who these people were or how the dinner waste lasted so long but I think it happened something like this:
