Wednesday, July 26, 2023

The Tour de Turtles

Modeled on the Tour de France, the Sea Turtle Conservancy on August 1st, will launch the Tour de Turtles.

The “race” will include putting trackers on turtle “contestants,” and measuring when and where the turtles go.

But much like the Tour de France, rumors are already swirling about the illegal use of steroids.

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Novak Djokovic Shocking Sports News

In shocking sports news, Novak Djokovic will be unable to play for any more tennis championships because no one can pronounce his name.

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A Greater Vision

GiveVision has a great new product, that allows sports fans with limited vision to see everything in far greater detail using their new GiveVision headset!

But the biggest market is for matchmakers, such as eHarmony as GiveVision headsets allow a much better look at candidates.

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My Exciting New Hollywood Career

Recently, I began pursuing an exciting new career in the entertainment industry. Looking for opportunities, I went to Disneyland, where they auditioned me for a wide variety of roles.

Would they cast me as Mufasa ("The Lion King") or Prince Charming? Well not exactly.

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Beenie Von Weenie

At the Weinerschnitzel Weiner Nationals, an annual event held in Los Alamitos, CA a Dachshund named Beenie Von Weenie was declared “The Fastest Wienie of the West” for 2023 after he outran about 100 other Dachshunds. He won $1000 and a new dog house, in this fund raising charity event.

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Saturday, July 15, 2023

Dial A Cop

There is a new service that allows scared passengers to call a pilot before flying, to ask questions and get reassurance. It’s called Dial A Pilot, and the cost is only $50 for a 15 minute call.

As an entrepreneur, I see another great potential service. Dial A Cop. For just $500 on a stolen credit card you can speak with a retired FBI agent. 

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Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Dental Breakthrough, Regrowing Teeth

The dental profession is excited about a new Japanese medication that could regrow teeth. Clinical trials begin July 2024, and it could be in commercial use by 2030.

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Monday, July 10, 2023

A Great New Product, Colachup!

Pepsi just introduced a great new food product, Colachup! It combines cola with ketchup, something the world has always wanted.

As a man into health food, I am thrilled! For this is the first time I can eat a food that will not only immediately clear itself out of my system, but clear out everything else I’ve recently eaten.

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Thursday, July 6, 2023

Nathan‘s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest

On July 4th, I competed in the Nathan‘s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. Joey Chestnut won by eating 62 hotdogs and buns in 10 minutes. 

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Tuesday, July 4, 2023

A Medical Miracle

Last week, I witnessed a Medical Miracle! A 98-year-old man on his deathbed reached for a cup of water, and accidentally drank a cup of hot Sriracha Sauce.

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