Flying Sea Dog

“You’re the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen,” said a wincing man, barely able to look at the little dog.

Hearing those words, and not for the first time, this poor little dog burst into tears.

For other dogs as well as people claimed he was ugly because he had very long and floppy ears that dragged on the ground wherever he went.

To his embarrassment, sometimes he stumbled over them, as the others laughed. None of them would even help him up.

Santa’s Deadbeat Twin Brother

Everyone knows about Santa Claus’ profound kindness, but few people are aware of his twin brother Jimmy Claus, a man as bad as Santa is good.

“I’m desperate Santa,” Jimmy told his brother. “Loan me money!”

“But Jimmy,” Santa replied. “Loaning you money would only put you deeper in debt. You have to take responsibility for your actions.”

“Because of your irresponsibility I have you on my ‘Naughty List’ every year.”

Money For Santa Claus

"We have more children than ever to build toys for," said Santa to his elves. "And we don't have enough money. I'll need to borrow some."

So Santa went to a bank and requested a loan. "What is your income," asked the banker. "I have no income," replied Santa. "I give away all the toys we make."

The Miser and The Spender

"I am the richest person in the world," proclaimed the miser, all the while living as if he was broke.

"No you're not," replied the spender. "For the money brings you no fun. And when your life is over, you can't take the money with you. It is only good here and now."

Meanwhile, the spender spent all his money having fun but had no savings, only worries about what would happen to him in bad times.

The Donkey and The Jackass

The little brown donkey toiled all day in the hot sun as a beast of burden to his owner. But instead of praising the donkey, the owner beat him, starved him and demanded more work.

One day a neighbor saw this sorry scene and said to the owner, "I will pay you what this donkey is worth and 20% more if you will sell him to me."

"Pay me 40% more and he's yours," the owner replied. "But in no time, you will be sorry because this donkey has to be forced to do any work at all."

Impeaching Santa Claus

Although Santa Claus is a global phenomenon, the US, split along political party lines prepared to impeach him.

“On what grounds,” asked one political party.

“For a quid pro quo,” replied the other political party. “He offered children presents but only on the condition that they be good. And it was all to keep him as Santa.”

The Owl and The Fox

“Nobody ever got rich by overestimating the intelligence of people,” chuckled the wise old owl. “People aren’t that smart and can be easily swindled.”

“That may be true,” replied the clever fox. “But history teaches us, when people learn they’ve been swindled, they angrily seize those riches and the swindler.

“So,” concluded the clever fox, “The truly smart people provide a good bargain in any business transaction, swindling no one.”

With Love To All ~ Dick

The Hunter and The Snake

One day a poisonous snake slithered up to a hunter. Before the hunter could shoot him, the snake said, "Let’s hunt together, we will kill more game."

"But when we feast on our kills, won't your poison kill me," the man asked. "No," replied the snake. "Because my poison affects the brain, not the body."

"How can I trust you," asked the hunter. "You can," replied the snake, "Because I give you my word."

The Butterfly and The Bee

“Behold,“ said the bee to the spiders and the snails. “I am the most beautiful of all insects.”

But just then, a beautiful butterfly fluttered his golden wings and gently flew by. “Wow,” said the spiders and the snails. “This butterfly is the most beautiful.”

Embarrassed by their response, the bee flew over to the butterfly. “I am the most beautiful of all the insects, not you,” he hollered.

The King Of The Beasts

“I am the king of the beasts,” proclaimed the lion, “for all do fear me.” “No,” replied the elephant, "I am the king because I can crush anything in my path.”

Just then they heard laughter. Looking around, they found the source. It was a little tortoise, who still chuckling looked up at them.

The Mightiest Nation In The World

Genovia built the biggest military machine in human history. It built the mightiest weapons, built military bases everywhere, and employed millions of people.

The point was to always be ready for war, and eventually Genovia found itself in endless wars, the cost of which in lives and money was staggering.

The money part was so expensive to pay its bills Genovia had to borrow the funds from China.

And then one day something incredible happened.

A Second Chance

Unable to find work, and in the process of being evicted from their tiny apartment, in desperation Joe stole some groceries from a supermarket to feed his wife and two small children.

But a supermarket employee saw the theft and called the police. A day later, Joe was arrested and charged with felony shoplifting, a charge that carried a 30-day jail sentence.

Joe was confronted by an unsympathetic judge, but just before the judge was to make his ruling, a man in the courtroom stood up.

The Legend Of Blackbird Wilson

Blackbird Wilson was the toughest bird in our neighborhood. He was large and ornery and every other creature kept its distance. He was friendless.

Rumor had it he had even attacked a hawk four times his size.

The Lion and The Dove

One day a dove hovered over a skinny lion. “Let’s work together,“ said the dove to the lion.

“I’m afraid of birds of prey,“ the dove continued. “But they are afraid of you and if I am near you, they will keep their distance.”

“But what’s in it for me,“ asked the lion.

A Lesson From The Ghost Town Of Friars Gulch

High in the Sierra Mountains is the legendary ghost town of Friars Gulch.

“What happened to this town,” asked the students of their professor. “It’s simple,” she replied.

Live Life For Today

Roy always lived modestly, but one day while shopping, he saw the most beautiful white silk shirt displayed in a store window.

This shirt was in a very expensive men’s shop, one he would not ordinarily go into but the shirt was irresistible.

It cost two day’s pay, but on impulse, he bought it and happily brought it home to wear on special occasions.

Killing Our Way To Peace

“We will never have peace in the world,“ Genovia’s  President Blunderfield told his nation, “until we kill all terrorists.”

“We will call it The Global War on Terror.”

When A Fetus Becomes A US Citizen

Various US states are declaring fetuses at conception to be people and therefore that they have all the rights of other Americans.

I spoke with attorney Willis Blunderfield to understand the implications for US citizenship. “It’s very simple,” he said. “At conception, a fetus is a citizen.”

The Wisdom Of War

Genovia is considered to be the most powerful nation in the world.

But in recent years despite its Constitution allowing only Parliament to declare war, its Presidents have fought wars wherever they choose.

Recently, I met with Genovia’s President, Willis Blunderfield to understand why.

Deporting Jesus

Seeing on TV the US’s immigration crisis with Latin America, and seeing images of children seized from their parents and put in cages, I visited to see it for myself.

On the Mexican side of the border, I immediately recognized Jesus, even though like many of the immigrants, he had olive colored skin and black curly hair. He was in the deportation line because he didn’t qualify for asylum.

The Ghost Of America’s Past

In recent months, there has been a terrible policy from the Trump Administration of taking immigrant children from their parents and putting them in cages.

But the media has not looked at the situation from the cage maker’s perspective, so I sat down with Willis Blunderfield, CEO of Cages Are Us.

The Sinking Of Titanica

Genovia and Titanica were in yet another border dispute about undocumented Genovians coming into Titanica.

Then one day, without consulting Genovia, Titanica President Blunderfield said Titanica would build a giant protective wall and Genovia would pay for it.