Recently, I invested thousands of dollars in an advanced technology toilet from the Japanese firm Toto. Because this toilet was so expensive, I named it in honor of myself, Dickie, Jr.
Dickie, Jr. is a toilet packed with computer chips that perform his many functions and at first, he only spoke in beeps and chirps. Those sounds were easy to hear, and it occurred to me I could teach him to talk.
So, I actively began, and at first had some remarkable results, as he always spoke in a happy tone and I understood everything he said, such as, “How are you today?“
But then he began learning on his own and now loves to be a critic and to gossip. For example, yesterday he said:
