Sunday, January 11, 2015

The Year Christmas Was Cancelled

It began like every other Chritsmas Eve, Santa loaded his sleigh with toys and beckoned to his reindeer as he was quickly whisked away.

But when he landed on his first American rooftop, abruptly he was seized by eight heavily armed men wearing dark suits and ties and with stern, humorless faces.

"Freeze fat man," shouted one of them. "We are with the U.S. National Security Agency, the NSA and you are under arrest for violating U.S. airspace."

"But I'm Santa Claus," the bearded man in red shouted. "I have all these toys to deliver."

"Not on our watch," another NSA man replied. "You don't have appropriate security clearance and you are a threat to America's national security."

"Your sleigh is also unlicensed," said another NSA man. "And you have no permits for these reindeer."

"Spread 'em," yelled another NSA man as Santa was thrust head first, spread eagle against his sleigh so the men could frisk him.

"Who are you with," one of the NSA men growled. "North Korea?" "Iran?" "ISIS?" "Taliban?" "Or are you with some other subversive organization?"

"I'm with no-one," Santa shouted. "I'm Santa Claus! I'm from the North Pole."

Then after speaking intensely on his headset, one of the NSA men put his face just a few inches from Santa's face, nose to nose, and snapped at Santa,"We don't have grounds to arrest you.

"But that doesn't matter," he continued. "You have a choice. We will take you to one of our 'black sites' and question you much more vigorously, under America's 'enhanced interrogation' program or we will escort you back to the North Pole."

Santa looked at these NSA men gripping him so tightly and menacingly, and said with a sigh, "Screw it, escort my sleigh, reindeers and me back to the North Pole.

"But I want you to know, I'm checking each of your names on my list as 'naughty, not nice,' " added Santa.

"No problem," answered one of the NSA men. "Our list of who is naughty is far more extensive than yours, and we deal with them much more harshly."

As Santa approached his sleigh, eight more heavily armed men in dark suits grabbed him. "Freeze fat man," one of them shouted."We're from the Department of Homeland Security. You're under arrest."

After a similar discussion to the one with the NSA took place, they finally agreed to let Santa go. "But you better not show your face around here again," said the Department of Homeland Security man while pounding his right fist into his left hand.

With that comment, Santa beckoned to his reindeer and just before his sleigh began to head back to the North Pole, he was heard to murmur under his breath, "This is crazy."

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