Did Little Jesus Believe In Santa Claus?

The question of whether little Jesus believed in Santa Claus has perplexed historians throughout the ages. 

In search of the answer, I visited internationally renowned professor and historian Willis Blunderfield. 

"Dr. Blunderfield, was little Jesus a believer in Santa Claus," I asked.

"Of course he was," replied Dr. Blunderfield.

"In Jesus' time, Israel was ruled by Rome, and the Romans celebrated Saturnalia, in honor of Saturn, the god of harvests." 

"Throughout the Roman empire, for weeks before Saturn's December 17th birthday, people decorated their homes, held banquets and parties and on his birthday, exchanged gifts."

"Of course pious Romans complained that Saturnalia had become too commercialized, but the merchants everywhere in the empire loved that holiday, racking up big sales."

"And the day after Saturnalia was the biggest sales day of the year, which they named "Black Friday," as customers swarmed the shops, buying at big discounts."

"But where does Santa Claus come in," I asked.

"Right from the beginning of Saturnalia," answered Dr. Blunderfield. "He would visit the giant shops, and pose for pictures, which at that time were wood carvings, taking an hour each to create."

"As a result," Dr. Blunderfield said, "the lines were horrendous."

"Children sat on Santa's lap and told him what they wanted for Saturnalia, but because paper as we know it today was not available, Santa memorized their requests."

"I'll bet that worked well," I said. 

"No, it didn't," answered Dr. Blunderfield. "Then as now, Santa had a poor memory."

"So on Saturnalia morning, sometimes children got adult size robes, or girls would receive slingshots instead of the dolls they had requested."

"Finally, to help Santa remember, his elves created the 'Barbie Doll,' which was very popular, although no-one in Bethlehem knew why she was blond, a hair color they had never seen before."

"When did Jesus stop believing in Santa Claus," I asked.

"About the time he turned 13," replied Dr. Blunderfield. "He was a naïve boy who always believed in everyone and everything."

"Just before his 13th birthday Bar Mitzvah, his mother Mary took him aside and told him he would now be a man, and must no-longer believe in Santa Claus."

"How did Jesus take the news," I asked.

"Very badly," Dr. Blunderfield replied. "Here he was an awkward kid, his body changing and growing, his voice still speaking in high notes, except for the occasional croak, and acne all over his face."

"Girls rejected him, and now through his mother, so had Santa." 

"Were there repercussions," I asked.

"Of course there were," answered Dr. Blunderfield. "From then on, he became Santa all year, giving gifts to the poor, food to the hungry and hope to the wretched."

"He was so generous, as the years passed, people began calling him, 'The Lord, Son of God.'"

"Why the 'Son of God,'" I asked. "Because the 'Son of Santa' would sound ridiculous," replied Dr. Blunderfield.

"So Jesus' childhood belief in Santa changed the world," I said. "It did," replied Dr. Blunderfield. 

"And hopefully," I said, "It will one day cause people to seek peace and offer love, kindness and charity to all."

"We will see," replied Dr. Blunderfield. "For 2,000 years it hasn't, but then like Jesus, I too believe in miracles."

With Love To All - Dick