David And Goliath

In biblical times, Goliath was a giant Philistine warrior, who was confronted by little David, an Israeli.

As the Biblical story is told, the two enemies faced each other on the field of battle and David took his sling and thrust a rock into Goliath's head, killing him.

But recently, the long-lost writings of Irving were found. Irving was an eye witness to the battle, and scholars were stunned that those writings tell a much different story. Here are Irving's words:

"Goliath was a 1000 to 1 favorite with the bookies in Jerusalem," Irving wrote. "And Goliath was cocky."

"You're an arrogant little son-of-bitch to fight me," yelled Goliath to David. I outweigh you by two hundred pounds."

"But David refused to be intimidated."

"He twirled his sling with all of his might and thrust the rock at Goliath," Irving continued. "But the rock missed."

"Goliath roared with laughter. As he did, all of a sudden to the surprise of the crowd, David ran up and kicked Goliath in the scrotum."

"Down went Goliath, crawling around in agony. David was declared the winner."

"Later, David was named King of Israel, largely because the Rabbis feared he'd do to them what he did to Goliath."

"Fearing that others might do to him what David did, for the rest of his life, Goliath wore an iron cup."

"Why did we make up the story about David killing Goliath with a sling? Because dying in battle makes men heroes in the eyes of other men."

"But crawling off gripping his nutsack made Goliath a joke, and the Bible doesn't like jokes. It likes bloodshed."

"But I'll tell you," added Irving, "It would do mankind a great service if instead of always fighting, it could learn to laugh at itself, for in humor we could bond and heal many of our problems."

With Love To All ~ Dick