Noah's Ark

In biblical times, God told Noah to build a huge ark, to protect himself and his family from a great flood that would come.

On that ark, Noah was also instructed to include couples of every animal species, so that all animal life would be preserved.

Recently discovered are the long-lost notes from Noah's brother-in-law Bernie, who was an eye-witness to these events. Here are Bernie's comments:

"So Noah heard the word of God, and immediately prepared to build a huge ark."

"God told Noah how many cubits in size the ark should be but no-one knew what a cubit was so Noah just guessed how big an ark to build."

"Noah knew he would need tons of building materials, but those materials are expensive, and not having the money, Noah applied to several banks for a loan."

"But because the flood would destroy Noah's major assets, such as his home, he had no collateral so they all turned him down."

"Finally, one bank agreed to loan him the money, but only if he built an ark half the size. Noah had no choice but to agree."

"Noah began building the ark, that is until government zoning officials arrived and shut him down for building an ark in a residential zone."

"They forced Noah to move the ark construction to an industrial facility, which was expensive to rent. The cost forced Noah to shrink the ark again."

"Next, the animal rights people arrived, and demanded far better ark facilities to humanely house the animals."

"And the Environmental Protection Agency people insisted the ark didn't meet environmental standards, and as a result, Noah's building permit was cancelled."

"Noah had gone broke trying to build the ark."

"I'm sorry God," Noah cried in prayer. "I failed you."

"It was then God took mercy on Noah."

"I know you did your best," said God. "I too can't stand the beaurocrats and the banks. If I had to get their approval every time I wanted to launch a war or burn or flood the earth or part the sea, I would never get anything done."

"And so it came to pass. The great flood took place not on land but at sea and no person nor animal was harmed, as God smiled on Noah, who had tried so hard to please Him."

With Love To All ~ Dick