Thursday, August 11, 2022

Starbucks, Fruit Drink Of Champions

Dear Reader, 

Joan Kominis of Queens, New York filed a lawsuit claiming that several of the Starbucks fruit drinks don’t actually contain the fruit their names imply, and instead are "predominantly made with water, grape juice concentrate, and sugar."

Because I love drinks comprised of water, grape juice concentrate and sugar, I’ve become a devoted fan of Starbucks’ “fruit” drinks. Each day, I tell my Barista to serve me a “Trenta,” a nearly 2-pound drink. But today, everything changed:   

My Barista was Big Olga, an ex-Russian weightlifter, a woman the size of a Mack Truck. Big Olga challenged me to a Trenta “fruit” drink contest, and when I first refused, called me “a little Yoga looking whimp.” Having a fragile ego like every other male, I accepted her challenge. The bad news is I drank only 4-Trentas and staggered out the door.

The good news is, from all this sugar, I then ran a marathon and finished it in 10-minutes, breaking every world record by nearly 2-hours. This afternoon I plan to run a 10-K in 3-minutes. And then sponsored by Starbucks, I will begin training for every event in the next Olympics.

With Love To All - Dick

Editor's Note: From The Lawsuit, “Despite their names, and unbeknownst to consumers, the Mango Dragonfruit and Mango Dragonfruit Lemonade Refreshers contain no mango, the Pineapple Passionfruit and Pineapple Passionfruit Lemonade Refreshers contain no passionfruit, and the Strawberry Acaí and Strawberry Acaí Lemonade Refreshers contain no acaí,” the lawsuit reads. “Further, all of the products are predominantly made with water, grape juice concentrate, and sugar.”

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