Monday, August 1, 2022

Becoming Yoda

Dear Reader, 

A lawsuit was filed against candy company Mars, claiming its Skittles are “unfit for human consumption.” The suit focuses on titanium dioxide, which it calls a “toxin,” causing cancer and altering DNA.

Because I eat Skittles morning, noon and night, I got upset as I noticed the DNA changes in my body. I am now 2-feet tall, green and look and talk like Yoda as these words slipped out, “People to sue us we want not.” In a panic, I contacted my dear friend Yanin Ontiveros to find out what to do.

Not being small and green like me, Yanin replied: “Dear Dick, can’t stop laughing. Worry do not!! People will love you even more [as Yoda].”

She is right. I’m going to have to accept my body's DNA changes and become Yoda like. Trying to be a good sport, I answered, “Laughing I am.” And added, “Thank you Yanin! Now I’m going to shop for clothing small enough to fit me.”

What does my future hold, you ask?

I’m contacting Walt Disney, owner of Star Wars, to ask them to cast me in their new Star Wars films, or use me as an attraction in their theme parks. If that doesn't work, I will ask them to make me CEO. “For Disney, making money I will.”

And I will testify for Mars, because titanium dioxide will have done wonders for my looks and for my career.

With Love To All - Dick

Co-Writer - Yanin Ontiveros

Print Friendly and PDF

No comments:

Post a Comment