Monday, April 18, 2022

Paying For Noah's Ark

Noah is a biblical figure who God commands to build an Ark so The Almighty can then flood the world to rid it of evil. According to Genesis (6:14 -16): The Ark is to be 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high. 

Here is the conversation between God and Noah as I envision it.

God: Noah, I'm going to flood the world to rid it of evil, sparing only you and your family and breeding pairs of other creatures. So I can do this, I need you to build an Ark, measured in cubits.

Noah: God, how big is a cubit?

God: I don't know, just think massive! Be imaginative man! You'll need a huge Ark big enough for all of these creatures plus food and water storage. Think aircraft carrier size!

Noah: What's an aircraft carrier?

God: It doesn't matter. Just think massive! You have a lot of creatures to save.

Noah: Do those creatures I save include mosquitos?

God: Yeah, sure, why not.

Noah: God, wouldn't it be better to improve mankind and other creatures rather than commit global genocide?

God: Who's playing God here, you or me? Just do what I tell you!

Noah: To build your Ark, the biggest vessel in history, I'll need to chop down and process a forest and I'll need a huge labor force. I can't do this alone in 10-lifetimes.

God: Some day I'll create Home Depot where you can get these things in one place, but for now, chop down the forest, and hire the labor you need.

Noah: I'll need to allow the labor force to also bring themselves and their families onboard the Ark or I may have labor strikes:

God: Okay, what the hell.

Noah: God, how am I going to pay for all this?

God: Borrow the money! When my work is done, there'll be no-one left to pay it back too. 

Noah: But God, the labor costs and the initial interest payments alone will bankrupt me.

God: You're right! Borrow all the money you need, with no money down and promise to pay it back later. This is a new concept I'll call "deficit spending." Of course you'll never pay it back!

Noah: Isn't this evil? Isn't this the very thing you want to rid the world of?

God: Noah, you keep this up and I'll create other biblical figures to do my work. Now get started!

And so it was! Noah built the Ark, saved mankind and the creatures and the world became perfect, just as it is today! Noah's modern day family lives in Hollywood hoping to cut a movie deal bigger than "Titanic," and one also starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

With Love To All - Dick

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