Methuselah's Long Lost Diary

Methuselah, the world's oldest person, reportedly died in 2106 BC, at the age of 969.

In Israel last year, Methuselah's long lost diary was discovered and scholars from all over the world are reading its tablets to learn more about this remarkable man.

What follows are excerpts from his diary:

Rejecting Santa Claus

Christian children the world over love Santa Claus and every Christmas, open their hearts to him.

But then one day, everyone learned Santa's secret.

An Unusual Friend

11-year-old Carter was a shy, quiet boy.

Because he was bright and studious, the other kids called him a nerd, and he often ate lunch alone.

Then one day, everything changed.

When God Rested

"I need some time off," God thought to Himself.

"So I will choose someone extremely wise from the earth to briefly oversee the entire universe."

Retaliation

The bumble bee landed on a rose and was about to suckle the nectar when he saw another bee already suckling.

In anger, he shouted to the other bee, "Hey, that's my rose."

"No, it's my rose," came the angry reply.

The Wizard Of Willowby

Mayor McFuddyduddy of the quaint little seashore town of Willowby, is a short, chubby and very friendly man, who wears pink bow ties and is liked by everyone.

But he is not known for his achievements. "If you want no change McFuddyduddy is your man," the townspeople would say.

Then one day, everything changed.

And God Spoke

"I have appealed to all of you to love one another," said God in a booming voice heard all over the world.

"And for you to be kind and forgiving," God continued. "But few of you have done this."

"But almost all of you care about your looks, and will do almost anything to look good. So from now on, here is what is going to happen:"