Interviewing The Chinese Weather Balloon

Today on Zoom, I briefly interviewed the Chinese Weather Balloon:

Why were you flying over Montana? “I was on vacation.”

How do you feel about being called the size of three buses? “It was insulting! I already have a bad self body image and now I will never have the confidence to attract lady balloons.”

How do you feel about being called a spy? “It’s ridiculous! When I fly, everyone can see me. James Bond, I’m not.“

What are your future plans? “I’m going to vacation by flying over the Congress and the White House. Those are great places for me to fill up with hot air.“

With Love To All - Dick

Forgiving The Witches

“After nearly 400 years, Connecticut is considering posthumously exonerating the people, mostly women, accused of witchcraft in the 17th and 18th centuries.”

Alse Young was the first women, hanged May 26, 1647. Wanting to know her reaction to possibly being exonerated in 2023, I went to a spiritual medium, who then brought Alse into the room.

The Oldest Mummy

It was reported last week Egyptian archaeologists discovered a 4300 year old mummy, the oldest mummy yet found. His name was Hekashepes and he was entombed in a limestone sarcophagus (fancy coffin).

Talking To Your Houseplants

The Washington Post recently ran a story, “The case for talking to your houseplants.” Inspired, I called a meeting of my roses:

The Greatest Neighborhood Watch

To keep us safe from crime, my neighbors and I formed a neighborhood watch. And we warn intruders that there is an imminent armed response.

That warning is real. With weapons so plentiful in the U.S. I made a great buy on a Howitzer, which now sets on my front lawn. 

It stands 9-feet tall, and 9-feet wide, weighs 16,000 pounds and will intimidate any intruders. Unfortunately, it does have two major problems:

Rescuing Marty The Lab Mouse

A new U.S. law has ended the requirement that all drugs be tested on lab mice or other animals prior to human trials. This is a great news for animal rights activists.

But a protest began from an unlikely source. Marty Mouse cried out, “How am I supposed to support a wife and 47 children without my lab income?”

Fortunately, Peloton had the answer. 

An Amazing Discovery In Israel

Archaeologists in Israel made an amazing discovery: 780,000 year old fish dinner waste! This means early humans cooked dinners nearly a million years ago! 

They don’t know who these people were or how the dinner waste lasted so long but I think it happened something like this: